Rethinking “Social”

This moment was captured by my fancy new phone when I was offline.

I got a new smartphone last week. It’s pretty, it has a magnetic case, it has more memory than the last one, the battery lasts a lot longer. But for some reason, the transfer of data was rough this time. The non-native apps didn’t come over, so I had to add them one by one. At first I was disappointed; here was something I would have to take time out of my day to do.

And then I realized it was an opportunity to declutter, kind of like a physical move. A chance to ask myself what I would rather have: the app, or the time and space it used to occupy.

A few social media apps will stay off.

This is the next step in a continuum of thought. I’d already closed my account on one of them after it changed ownership. At the time, I knew I wouldn’t miss the constant feed of “information” from people I didn’t agree with.

I was surprised by how little I missed updates from those I did agree with. They bashed the other side a lot. I tried a few different apps, hoping for a kinder experience elsewhere, chasing the “golden age” when updates were fun. The app users on other networks claimed they were in a better place, but honestly, for me the level of complaining seemed about the same. It was just the topics that changed.

I still keep up with one of the networks on my computer. I recognize that in moderation, it has helped me connect with people in healthy ways. I’ve mostly—but not completely—learned how to avoid the situations that either tempt me to jump on someone else’s feed to correct their thinking, or touch off a debate on my own feed, between friends who may or may not actually know each other.

In all my media and social media consumption, I’m trying to ask myself better questions. Things like, “If I don’t know who this person is, should I spend my time finding out why strangers are mad at them?”

None of this is to say I have given up my own opinions, or even my own alarm at the changes I’m seeing in my own society. But I have lost almost all faith in social media as a tool to make it better.

I’m not sure I can ever be completely free of it. Social media is part of my day job. It’s part of promoting a book. But I can take a page from my upbringing, when I had one hour to watch television (when my mom had the energy to enforce the rule). It forced me to make choices, rather than sitting around waiting for something better to come on.

I will try to choose better. Lunch with friends, conversations with family, visits to a bookstore.

More music, less noise.